I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
