four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
