Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize