after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
