well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
