Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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