I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize