i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
