These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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