There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
