Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
