NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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