went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
