I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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