put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
