I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
