I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
