a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
