I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
