I just pynch a tree in the face
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
did i walk over a car last night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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