Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
