**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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