whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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