Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
