Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
