just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
