I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
