Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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