It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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