Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
