He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize