I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My life is pants optional.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize