remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
