they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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