all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize