Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
