i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
