are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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