we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
