I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
