Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
