is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
