im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I didn't shave. On purpose
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
