Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
