dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
