PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
