3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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