he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
