i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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