Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
