I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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