I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
