hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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