i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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