It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
