Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
