I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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