I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
