I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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