As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
