Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
