I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
