Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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