Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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