im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Panties = found
Randomize
