I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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