Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
