And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
