you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
