Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
