Whod you bang
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sext me about skeletons
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
