when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
