next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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