I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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