I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think people are normalizing furries
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
