you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
