last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
