i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
