Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize