careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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