At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
