she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this beer tastes like vomit already
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
