The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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