Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
