I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
do herpes really smell.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
