Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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