He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
