Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
