Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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