Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
