will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
