just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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