Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Where is the hickey?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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