Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jerry, you need to find god
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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