New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
