cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
