made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize