i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
