my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
