someone threw a dead crab at me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
