Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
