She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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