And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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