I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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