Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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