Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
