It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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