I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
