Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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