I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
