i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
