He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
