I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
